white noise

Every Once in a While..

When you are dating someone for a long time, you tend to sometimes lose sight of the little things that you love about that person.

I was in Toronto this weekend, and the last day I was there right when my girlfriend and I were about to go to sleep her friend called us (long story short they drank to much, and we ended up bringing her to the hospital).

We sat in the hospital for a good 3 and a half hours, and She and I were so tired that we sat in chairs beside each other and she leaned her head on my shoulder and I put my head on hers while she traced lines in my hand.

Then she started singing softly, and I closed my eyes and even though we were sitting in a busy downtown Toronto hospital, the only thing I could think was that there is nowhere I would rather be right now then sitting here with the girl I love resting her head on my shoulder, tracing lines in my hand with hers, and singing softly.

Real stress.

• Working every weekend for almost 8 months without asking for any weekends off and when I do I don’t get it.
• Saving to do something for/with someone, and them not taking it seriously.
• Locking my keys in the truck, making me really late for work.
• Never having any money because it all goes towards saving.
• Every single plan I ever make always fails (literally)
• When I finally reach my boiling point the one person who should be there for me is to busy to be there for me because they are to busy playing neopets, watching their stupid fucking shows, or playing an internet version of super mario to give me the time of day.
• Being there for that same person every time their fake stupid friends ditch them, every time their stressed, every time their lonely, every time their drunk and need someone to talk to, every time they need to tell me something, every time their parents get mad at them, any time they get annoyed at the people who live next door. Every time they need anything I drop what I’m doing to be there for them, and get shit in return. (I’m not saying I’m a saint. I can actually be the biggest asshole you will ever meet, but when I care about some one I drop everything for them.)
• Asking someone a simple question and they yell “Fuck Off” at 7:30am when all my room mates are still asleep (and there’s a family with a young child sleeping below us.)
• Any time there’s a problem I ask what’s up and get the shit kicked out of me verbally.
• People who just beat around the bush.
• Locking my keys in my truck, and being late for work.
• Having the only other person I work with text me every 10 fucking seconds because he can’t take his fucking headphones off to use his fucking words, making it feel like I have a vibrator that has A.D.H.D. that just did speed in my pocket.
• Having one task at work that takes 5 and a half fucking hours because a million truckers that don’t speak English, and drunk douche bags come in as soon as I sit down to do it.
• Working shitty shifts that I in the beginning said that I would really rather not have everyday, and giving up every last bit of my social life and just taking it, and taking it. (I literally have not hung out with my best friend in over a month).
• TRYING TO KEEP EVERYONE HAPPY WHEN THEY ARE ALL DEAD SET ON BEING UPSET AND SELF CENTRED ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

I am so exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally, but it doesn’t matter, because you need to feed your god damn neopet, and watch your fucking stupid shows.

I am so fucking sick…

OF PEOPLE GETTING SO MAD AT ME OVER SUCH LITTLE THINGS, AND NEVER FUCKING EXPLAINING TO YOU WHAT THE FUCKING MATTER IS. NEVER GIVING ME THE FUCKING TIME OF DAY TO EXPLAIN WHY, OR EVEN WHEN THEY DO THEY DONT OPEN UP THEIR FUCKING MIND TO UNDERSTAND WHY I DO OR SAY CERTAIN THINGS. THEY JUST WALLOW IN THEIR FUCKING ANGER AND PLAY THE VICTIM. THEY ARE SO STUCK ON BEING MAD THAT THEY DONT REALIZE WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE ACTUALLY DOING TO YOUR FRIENDSHIP, OR RELATIONSHIP. THEY LOVE BEING MAD AT YOU AND THEY ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. EVEN IF THEY ARE RIGHT THEY DONT EVEN TAKE THE TIME TO EXPLAIN WHY THE FUCK THEY ARE RIGHT, TO AT LEAST MAKE ME UNDERSTAND. I WANT TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND. I WANT TO DEAL WITH BULLSHIT AS IT HAPPENS SO IT DOESNT FUCKING REAR ITS UGLY HEAD AGAIN THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT FUCKING DAY ETC. ETC. SO THAT IT CAN JUST BE ACTUALLY DEALT WITH AND FUCKING OVER. 

I HAVE TO FUCKING DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO FUCKING GET THEIR ATTENTION, EVEN THINGS THAT ARE UNCALLED FOR, BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO GET EVERYTHING OUT IN THE OPEN SO IT CAN BE DEALT WITH.

SOME PEOPLE JUST LOVE TO THINK THAT THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND THEM, AND JUST FIND ANY EXCUSE TO FUCKING HATE YOU. I AM SICK OF LIVING IN THIS SELFISH FUCKING WORLD. WHY CANT EVERYONE JUST REALIZE THAT WE ARE ALL HUMANS, AND THAT THIS LIFE IS TO FUCKING SHORT TO SPEND IT PISSED OFF AT THE PEOPLE WE CARE ABOUT. WE ARE ALL JUST TOO FUCKED UP TO SEE THAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS JUST AS MUCH SHIT GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES AS WE DO, AND WHEN PEOPLE FINALLY REALIZE THAT THE WORLD DOESNT REVOLVE AROUND THEM IT’S GOING TO BE THE WORST REALITY SLAP IN THE FACE.

misanthropy pure.